Understanding spring
It’s amazing how in this world, the sun sets and rises, the moon is in and out of phases, ink spreads slowly across the face of a blank page.
Then one morning I wake up and spring is here.
A flick of the switch and the world is made of the fragrance of pink camellias on a warmer breeze.
And the other things…the other things just happen as they always have, and probably will for a long time.
How sudden
How smart
How simple
Cats, a very personal review, very hard to write. (and not at all what I was expecting)
Yesterday C and I went to see Cats the musical. At the Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Closing night. Little black dress, rouge coco lipstick, vintage Swarovski bracelet, opera glasses.
I woke up in a bad mood Saturday. I don’t know where it started, or even why it started.It was a melancholy sadness which grabbed hold of my heart and sank into the depths of my bones and ran thru my veins.By Sunday afternoon it took every ounce of effort to go to the theatre, and only my sweet girl’s excitement kept me going.We got there, found our seats, the lights dimmed, the conductor raised his baton to the first notes, cat’s eyes began to flicker among the audience and tears began to fall.
The last time I saw cats was about 25 years ago. It was the prelude to the most agonising two years of my life. It was a prelude to the breakdown of my first marriage, to bitterness, vitriol and a long custody fight.At that moment, things which happened 25 years ago were just there on the stage. Illuminated by the music, whirled about by the dancers, breathed out by the lights.You know, I don’t know who this notion of moving on came from but he got it all wrong. Yes, I know, this weekend I’ve allowed seeds of resentment space to grow in my heart and I’ve watered and nurtured those seeds until they choked out the calm. Calm hasn’t had an easy time of it lately.Not at all
I’m not sure what I was listening to for those few moments, but I listened deeply with an open heart.You might be relieved to know that by the time the naming of the cats came the tears stopped and were replaced with a relative calmness and peace which helped to dissolve the resentment. (For now)Is it wrong to feel like your past defines who you have become? Does your past define you? Maybe refine is a better word.Mine does. Yes I know it. It does.Yes. It does.
Found while walking
Friday comes with a steady blue sky and the path thru the park is very green.Moss is growing on everything; I think even me if I stand in one place.But out of the forest, on the cliffs, Howe Sound is feeling the push of the wind,glittering below me.All around me are fawn lilies. They’re nodding in the wind. Standing tall under the sun. Singing to the last strains of this warm spring day.When I sit on the cliffs I’m surrounded by them.The world’s never seemed so big.I’m losing track of everything I had to say.
Air breathed, wind felt, skin warmed.
Stood looking at the old shipbuilding docks on the Frazer River for a very long time.Stood and listened.Everything looks still but actually everything is rustling, splashing, squashing, budding, greening, fluffing, twisting, dripping and shining with spring.
And then...a break in the clouds
What was that shining thru the curtains this morning?
Sunshine!
Girl’s got to get out.
This was a good idea
On this rainy, rainy Tuesday it seemed like a good idea to bake some banana-walnut bread.
It was!
Finding peace
Yesterday, on a typical rainy and windy Pacific day, I walked down the path to the ocean with a heavy heart, eyes cast down to the soggy path. At one point I looked up and saw fresh green moss. A bit further, the forest opened up to the cliffs and there was the ocean. Often Sometimes I wake up with heartache, especially when I haven’t seen the people I love for some time (R). But then there are moments when the path opens to the ocean and heartache changes to peace and I understand that I can’t have complete control over my life or the things that happen to me. Sometimes I suspect that I can’t even have a very small fraction of control. Those are the times when I give up that burden and feel fresh like the green moss and open up like the path to the ocean, and I know in the depth of my soul that everything is going to be fine.I took too many photos which I wanted to share with you, so I put them in a little movie.the link is here:Finding peaceI hope it helps you to find peace.